Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one that is complex and easier to diagnose than to treat. It is a disorder that can prevent true intimacy and closeness – the goal of the narcissist is to have complete control, all the time. Here are some common behaviors that a narcissistic person may display:
- Abuse of Power – Many narcissists are in positions of power over others. This power is usually used in a way that serves the narcissist and not necessarily anybody else. While it can appear as though others are benefiting from the narcissists position, when looked at closely it can all be traced back to inflating the narcissists ego, financially benefiting the narcissist or reinforcing the position of power.
- Projection – This is a tactic used to avoid any accountability for ones actions. The narcissistic will take any negative characteristic or behavior of themselves and then “project” it onto another person –(i.e.) A very selfish person accusing others of selfishness. This way blame can always be externalized and the narcissists avoids any and all accountability for their behavior.
- Gaslighting – This is used to make others believe their perception of what is happening is completely false. This can create self-doubt in someone and even produce the feeling being “crazy” for how they are perceiving a situation. . This puts the person in a position of weakness and vulnerability – the place a narcissist wants you to be all of the time. This way the narcissist controls the narrative and thus controls the perception of themselves and what they are doing.
- Stroking The Ego – While very different than those above, this is yet another tool the narcissist uses to bring people into their circle. They are able to make certain people feel special, unique. They separate those who are being complimented from those who are not. This way loyalty to the narcissists can develop as well as a divide within the system he is controlling. Again, the ultimate goal being having total control.
- Emotional Blackmail – Here the narcissist demonstrates what the consequences will be if you cross them. They will either verbally threaten or use someone as an example of what will happen if someone strays from what the narcissist believes or wants. When a narcissist is challenged publicly there is an element of humiliation that cannot be tolerated. They will then act out in some way (rejection, humiliation, abandonment) sending the message that anyone who challenges them will be punished. This is a fear tactic that keeps the narcissist protected from accountability and those around him “loyal”.
The Narcissist is actually someone who is highly insecure and quite vulnerable inside. The compensatory behaviors mentioned above are all in an attempt to avoid having to experience those emotions at all. This is usually created in an environment where having these emotions may not have been tolerated or were perhaps even shamed. The other possibility is that this person was raised in a family system where they were made to believe they are as important as they believe themselves to be. Either way, a fragile ego develops and must be protected at all costs. This exaggerated sense of self-importance helps suppress any insecurities that my lie deep within. This prevents any opportunity for self-reflection and the ability to acknowledge any faults or mistakes. The narcissist denies emotions that could possibly present them in a vulnerable light. It can be a lonely existence regardless of how many the narcissist surrounds themselves with. These relationships are often ever changing and short lived – but because there is never a true attachment to others, the narcissist will always find a replacement.
